We all lie.
Let me repeat that:
WE ALL LIE.
We do it because we say we don't want to hurt someone's feelings. It's really because we don't want to be responsible for the person's owning-up to the reality of their situation. "No, of COURSE you don't look fat in those jeans" sounds a whole lot nicer than "Let me get some icing for that succulent muffin-top you've got there." You don't tell her that because we think that if we lie to Lady Muffin about her jelly roll, we are somehow sparing her feelings but, in reality, her feelings are going to be a whole lot more hurt when you're walking through the mall and a group of anorexic fetal teenagers starting pointing and giggling. Lady Muffin will eventually come to question your loyalty to her because you let her out of the house without at least a mention that she may not look her best. Once you've introduced doubt (especially in a woman's mind), that bullet train will make its rounds through every corner of her mind; and by the end of the day, you're no longer her friend... Why? Because, you tried to spare her feelings-- no, make that YOUR discomfort-- and you allowed her to be humiliated.
We lie sometimes to save our asses, not fully comprehending the consequences that could whip around to lash back at us and/or on others. Do you remember the mugging you witnessed in a dark alley, or the constant banging and screaming you hear downstairs, or the drive-by that killed a boy in front of his mother? Of course you do! You studied every moment of that incident because for some odd reason, humans are inherently nosy. But, what did you do when the police officer and the victim/s caught up with you and asked you to identify the suspects and describe what you saw? You feared the mugger, or the old army vet that lives in the apartment beneath you, or the gang members that live on the corner-- you're afraid they would come back to get you. So you lie and say you saw and heard nothing, and nothing happens. Those offenders are let back on the street and they continue to terrorize the public, only now they come with a sense of invincibility that dares them to take their crimes to the next level. Do you feel any safer, thinking that nothing will happen to you because you said nothing; or, does it go around and around in your mind? The tiny seed of paranoia grows into a giant hedge that blocks you from living your life fearlessly, and leaves you always looking around the next corner for those people that KNEW you were there and witnessed everything. Now you'll go through your life feeling like a loose end that eventually WILL get tied. The other possibility (barring total paranoia) is that you turn on the news and see the mugger was released only to rape his next victim. You come home to ambulances outside your building and find that the kids who used to help you bring up your groceries don't have parents anymore-- the army vet went ape-shit and killed his wife and himself. Those gang members shot up another house and killed a child while he slept in his crib... Why? Because you didn't want to be involved in something that would put you in a difficult position of having to testify in a court, or put you in a vulnerable state. For some, the truth isn't worth sparing another's life.
These are only a few examples of the consequences of lying, and they're not even malicious lies-- the outcomes of that sort are usually inflicted soon after the lies are conceived and spread. The one who gets the worst consequence is the one who told the worst lie. We've seen those instances in movies like Gossip (2000) where the lie is horrible, evil and only seeks to destroy those about whom the lie was told but, in the end, the one who created the shit-storm was the one who paid the most for his action. We watch the news and the smear campaigns, the tabloids and the entertainment news, where he who has the most dirt gets the most views, and most never stop to consider whether their appetite for the dirt sheets are what perpetuate the never-ending torture of those in the spotlight. We all encounter those types of liars, from the public sphere down to the gossip around the water cooler, but those types are fairly obvious and, ideally, we have the foresight to steer clear of gossip-mongers and their malice.
This is more about the "gray area" of lying, the kind that we think hurts no one, or the kind that we think spares an uglier scene. The reality is, it's uglier to lie. Our integrity has so little value these days, which is a shame because it really is a beautiful thing to behold when you meet someone who is truly honest. You meet a person that is straight up with you, no matter how it makes them look, no matter if feelings might get a little ruffled, or if their honesty may risk them the people they love. A true honest person has no fear of losing those they love, because they know that true love transcends any wisp of a bruised ego or a difficult situation. Truly honest people know that when you lie, you don't change the situation or the person-- a lie is only a way of denying the truth to yourself.
I've decided to stop lying to myself. It was easy to create this perfect little world where I saw people as the people I wanted them to be, and it was such a far cry from the truth. Things that I felt were guaranteed slipped away, and things I had no faith in petrified themselves into permanent existence. There were truths I'd done so much to deny, truths that I tried too hard to not give much thought, truths that built up beyond my wildest dreams into huge stacks of reality that came tumbling down around my shoulders. There are emotions, which I thought would never change, that burst into flames and whose ashes fallen into an abyss of forgotten life stories. At the heart of all these changes is a little word that loves to be thrown around but is never fully comprehended, appreciated, or honored...
Honesty.
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